is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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