Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can Purell be used as lube?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
