So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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