Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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