her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
