Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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