There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh god it's open bar.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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