My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
