Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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