physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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