well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
