Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
