I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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