I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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