Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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