That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
