is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
