I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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