A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
