It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
