I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
