In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize