How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sarcasm needs its own font
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
