Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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