Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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