watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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