she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
