8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
