I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
