id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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