My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
