it's like iHOP with fire
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
