If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
