I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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