We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
