Will you blow on my dice?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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