The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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