She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
