Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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