im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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