Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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