they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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