Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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