im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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