margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
