We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
