I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
