We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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