Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
