Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
