you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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