Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
