There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
