hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
