I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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