Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
