Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
