Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
