My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Randomize
