Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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