so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Alive.
So much puke
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
