3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
