Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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