I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
